Saturday, November 18, 2006

Preparation-H

"While hemorrhoids are something you might not want to discuss, they are in fact a very common problem for both men and women."

Unfortunately, puppies, I am not in fact preparing for hemorrhoids. If you are in fact preparing for hemorrhoids or rather for their removal, I suggest you head over to the Preparation H site where you can pick up a handy $1 off coupon.

My subject is Preparation, the H referring to my vacation destination. You can let your mind run wild on all the hot H spots around the world. I think it will be more fun that way.

So I'm preparing. I've moved myself past the mental preparation, as in "I am thinking about packing but I am not mentally ready to pack." I have opened a suitcase and thrown in some random items which will probably not make the trip but as the early explorers would say "Progress!"

Anyway, this may be my last post for some time. Please do not cry. I will be back soon enough and promise to extol all of my H location secrets. Thanks for playing.

Happy bird.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

The High Art of Procrastination

I never used to practice this now-familiar art. But I've embraced it in recent years with nothing short of gusto. I am happy to report I am now quite facile in this the highest of art forms.

I may start showing in galleries in Chelsea. "Come one, come all -- watch me procrastinate." It would be a live action, interactive exhibit. You could assign me simple tasks and then watch as I do not complete them. Of course the admission price would be exorbitant but could you really pass up such an opportunity to watch me not do this or that? I think not.

You should really stop shaking your head dismissively at this point. You should really stop closing your mind to the act of not getting things done. You've never tasted freedom, have you? Pity.

Well, off I go to plan not to plan to do what I most assuredly should be doing.

Ciao for now.

Monday, November 13, 2006

This is what they call a Block Party.

Writer's Block Party to be exact.

[Pause for writer's station break.]

So anyway, as shocking as it may sound, I have nothing to instruct, exaggerate, rant/rave, praise, demoralize, or otherwise jibber jabber about today. I'm quite tired to be exact. I can tell you that soon, very soon, I will be away. Somewhere tropical and warm, working on my serious tan.

I take tanning very seriously as anyone who knows me can attest. I get like dark chocolate. It's a sight to be seen firsthand, not second- or thirdhand. Maybe I'll share some of my awesome vacation photos with you upon my return. That alone should be enough to hold you over until this raging Block Party ends.

'Night.