Space Invaders

I don't know what that last post was all about. I don't really care what Time Out puts on the cover.

What I do care about, however, is the growing number of strangers shoving into me on the street. A big fat elbow here, a smack with giant bag, the generous shoulder. I'm going to start a campaign called STOP SHOVING ME.

Did you know everyone has a personal scent circle? It's true. Look it up because I don't have time to explain it to you. Everyone also has a designated personal space. Watch Dirty Dancing if you don't know what I mean.

Remember that game Space Invaders? Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Get the hell out of my space, you invader.

That is what I will begin to scream when shoved into without apology.

Get the hell out of my space, you invader.

That's pretty powerful. You better pray you don't hear it from me.

The horny issue

Get it? Isn't that clever? Thorny issue, horny issue. The "title" refers to the latest issue of TimeOut New York, which I used to be a fan of and now I'm having, for lack of a better word, an "issue" with.

If you haven't seen it, the latest issue pictures a woman on the cover eating a banana with said "title": the horny issue. Do you mean to tell me no one could think up something more provocative than evoking a blow job? Damn. That's a crying shame.

The last bunch of issues have all featured women when anything relates to sex as objects rather than subjects. Normally I wouldn't give a crap but it's been so often that I'm beginning to think the creatives over at TONY need a holiday . . . or at the very least to get laid. (I shouldn't blame the creatives really. It's probably the EIC.)

I mean, isn't New York the hub of interesting couplings? Didn't Short Bus originate here? I'm sensing TONY only cares about its heterosexual male readers and what they get off on.

How about the rest of us?

I thought about writing a letter to the editor but I just don't care enough. I'll still use their website but I think I'm done with the mag for a while.