The time has come, nephew

I took the writer's strike a little more seriously than most. But I've seen, heard, and read enough crap in the last few months to be sufficiently fired up to respond.

You best sit down for this.

First, I'll tell you a story since I'm kick-ass at that. I was taking in some culture this past week, which is not a surprising fact since I'm all high art and shit. Anyway, I took in my culture at the Lyceum in the above-ground hell known as Times Square. The avuncular man seated next to me was laughing so hard that my chair began to vibrate. I enjoyed this very much. The show was good, not great, not mindblowing. I could have written circles around this shit but I have more important (i.e. secret) things to do at present. The point is I was in a relatively good mood.

I get on the subway. (We're in the present tense now. Keep up.) Then this kid dressed as Mary of Bethlehem gets on my car and immediately starts talking all kinds of hate up and down the train. I'm all about free speech, except when it's stupid. Really people. If you're stupid (and you know who you are), shut it.

This particular kid apparently had a lot to say and said it loud enough for everyone to hear. He couldn't wait to kill this person and that person and there was something about crackers that was pissing him off. I avoided eye contact because he was a hot box of crazy and those kinds of hot boxes lean toward stabbing. Anyway, he was getting on my nerves. I could hear his rants through my iPod.

And as I am often want to do I started daydreaming. I approach said kid and tell him to "shut it" and he stabs me in the thigh. I approach said kid and tell him "I hate him too" and he starts to cry. (Pussy) I approach said kid and stab him in the thigh with my pen. I approach said kid and spray paint BABY on his forehead. In big bubbly letters. Pretty!

None of these things happened. The kid got off at my stop and I spared him.

I forget what the point of this post was but you're welcome nonetheless. If you need a wrap up because you're so goddamn dependent on me for everything, here it is. If you are lucky enough to see me on the subway, first of all do not approach me. That's a given. Second, if you are going to start preaching, try to avoid stupidity. If you cannot avoid stupidity, please speak in a funny accent so I won't want to stab you or vice versa.

L8r sk8rs.

Glory Be!

The writer's strike is over!

You thought I was kidding maybe all this time. Thought you'd get something out of me. That I'd crack? Poor puppies. So neglected, dejected, and sad.

I am back for full attack.

I've learned many important lessons during this radio silence. Not everyone can write. In fact, we are few and far between. It's a burden really. This talent.

Yeah, you don't care, you greedy bastards. You just want deliverables.

Typical.

So here I am with plenty to say. But are you ready for it? How bad do you want it?

We'll see. For tonight, put down your pens and go directly to the bar to rejoice that Shiny Penny has been released from her silent prison.

Cheers to that.