Thursday, August 23, 2012

Pain in the brain a.k.a. brain pains


Many a child and adult alike have bitched at some point in time about "growing pains." From the physical pain of growing into your legs, nose, chin, ego, etc., to growing accustomed to a new city, job, home, relationship, you really know how to make a mountain out of a mole hill. Babies. Those pains are ridiculous. 

Brain pains are another story entirely. Some would call this a headache or its more evil cousin, the migraine. The debilitating stab in the temple, aversion to light, nausea at the smell of Subway sandwiches – all are symptoms of the head storm. My particular migraines are the result of actual growing pains. My brain is always actively expanding and it hurts, damn it.

I know you can’t possibly wrap your head around this so let me really dumb it on down. My brain needs more space due to all the awesome knowledge contained therein. Imagine one of those IBM server farms with the rows and rows of gigantic black servers. My brain has double the knowledge and .00000001% of the space. You’d have a headache too.

I tried to sleep it off.
Brain won.

I tried to drug it out.
Brain won.

I tried to distract myself with menial tasks.
Brain laughed quietly to itself.

I should invent a brain goiter to take some of the pressure off. Like a side brain or a porch for my frontal lobe. A quick Google search revealed a band named GOITER with a song entitled “Brain Expulsion.” I doubt they have expertise in brain add-ons. 

You know what I hate most about brain pains? When people ask, "Why do you have a headache?" Often I answer, "Because of all your dumb questions, you dumb dummy. Now beat it."

So that's the situation with my brain. It's a real pain.