Myth: Freelancers have more fun.
Myth: Freelancers have no feelings.
Myth: Freelancers are so carefree and happy.
Myth: Freelancers will work around the clock.
Myth: Freelancers don't care about money.
I'm taking the time out of my whimsical freelance life to bust these myths once and for all. Everyone is under the delusion that freelancing frees you up to do all these great things. Go to museums! Sleep till noon! Party all night! Explore the city! Have sex with strangers! You've been misled and miserably misinformed.
Let me break down freelancing for you. It's really akin to panhandling with your "skill set" in that frying pan. Hell, a thousand people will walk by you and completely ignore your pleas for "Change, sir?" A few will stop to gawk, point, and laugh. Everyone will judge. It's generally an awesome feeling to lay yourself open to all this constructive yet uninvited feedback. But hey, who cares? Freelancers don't have any feelings.
Most freelancers I know are cranky. Myself included. And contrary to popular belief, we are shut-ins. You must not look away from your computer. We receive these secret messages throughout the day. Coffee shops are not an option. Those are for the seriously committed unemployed and unwashed masses. I prefer to contain my unwashed-ness to my own super headquarters. Plus, you need to be at the ready for whenever that client calls, no matter what time. "It's an emergency! I need you to blah blah blah by Monday." Oh, okay, I'll work this weekend because I have no life. Geez, I forgot. You're a jerk.
When we do complete your ridiculous job, please remember to pay us. There's nothing "free" about freelancing. No one is giving me free food or free beer or free rent. I still have to pay for all these things and you have to pay me. Waiting a month, two months, three months, four months, five months to get around to looking at my invoice is not acceptable. In fact, such actions will unleash the demons upon you and I will not be sorry. I will yell at you. You do not want this.
As you might have guessed by this point, freelancing is not the answer to your prayers. Keep your full-time job, you lucky bastard. And buy me a goddamn beer.
