Holy shit, an extra day of life? A.K.A. Leap Day

“OMG, Becky, like what are you going to do with like this totally awesome extra 24 hours?”

Settle down.

Yes, you do in fact have an extra day in your otherwise humdrum unwashed-mass life. And yes, it is a Wednesday. I’m of the opinion that Leap Days only fall on Wednesdays; Heimlich argues with his math and science and calendar mumbo jumbo but we both know I’m right.

The question I pose to you is what will you do to carpe the leap? Let me get you started with my list of awesome things to do and not do today (and always).

CARPE THE LEAP BY DOING/NOT DOING THE FOLLOWING IMPORTANT HUMAN THINGS

• When on a six-person occupancy elevator with one other person, resist the urge to chomp loudly on your baby carrots before 10 a.m.
• If you are in a crowded line while talking on your Bluetooth, please excuse yourself and run into traffic.
•  If you fancy yourself extra clever, do not send items such as stuffed animals to strangers and ask them to post pictures of themselves with your stupid stuffed animal on your very clever website.
• If you see a “Watch Children” sign and you are a pedophile, please move to Canada.
• Depending on your potential for greatness on Leap Day or any other day, consider taking a bunch of sleeping aids and waking up tomorrow.
• Do not say today or any other day “I’m carping the leap, man.”
• Avoid all 29 of the stupid 29 Things to Do on Leap Day found here, most important among them “Write leap day poetry.”
• Do eat frog legs.
• Do not dream or tell others to dream.
• Women, if you’ve seen the movie “Leap Year,” take heed and do not propose to your SOs today mainly because you've seen that movie and you should be ashamed. 
• Do make fun of those born on Leap Day. Way to start life off on the wrong foot, dummy. Which brings me to this list of the unfortunates born on Leap Day or as they refer to themselves “Leaplings” (the worst):

·       Ja Rule, rapper (You rule nothing. Next please.)

·       Antonio Sabato Jr., actor (General Hospital) (The fact that I have to include GH so you’ll know who this otherwise hunky man is…enough said.)

·       Tony Robbins, motivational speaker (No.)

·       Phyllis Frelich, deaf actress (Say what?)

·       Dennis Farina, actor (Law & Order, Midnight Run, Get Shorty) (He gets a pass for the mustache.)

·       Jack Lousma, former space shuttle astronaut (STS-3) (See previous entry on what babies spacemen are.)

·       Dinah Shore, actress (No idea.)

·       Jimmy Dorsey, big band leader (Horns!)

That’s all for now. Stop reading this and go do something or not do something with your life. I don’t care.