Just let me sleep, damn it

Apparently forgot to post this flash of genius so enjoy...

As a super cultured higher being, I attend the theatre as often as possible. Considering my brain is always working overtime, the suspension of disbelief is a welcome change from making world domination decisions. (If you watched the debate last night, what a 100% shit show the world is.)

There seems to be this new and disturbing trend in the theater wherein the audience is called to participate. Initially I was on the fence about interactive theater. Hell, some of these unwashed masses may have skills; let's see what you can do, dummies.

But not surprisingly, people disappoint when called upon to not act like animals.

Case in point, two interactive theater performances I recently attended focused on one of my favorite activities: sleeping. The performances in question:

Sleep No More at the McKittrick Hotel
Never Sleep Alone at Joe's Pub

Both required the audience wear a mask either during the entire performance or a portion thereof. This in itself is revealing. Hide your telltale stupefied faces, unwashed masses. (P.S. No one looks good in a mask. Ever. This is why Halloween should be banned forever.)

SNM I was on board with almost the whole time. A wordless Macbeth in a former hotel requires the participant to explore various floors, observe, inspect objects and papers, and follow one of the players who interpret Shakespeare through dance. The dancers, I wholly commend for their ability to totally block out all the idiots in masks surrounding them, running after them, and generally cramping their space. Yes, it's true, even in the context of theater, people will act like animals if given the chance. I very well could have been stampeded by those following Lady Macbeth.

Remember that episode of Bernie Mac's show where he had to coach the peewee soccer team? He advised those tiny people that to win, you must not bunch.  No bunching! The kids botched it in that episode. And not surprisingly, adults botch the no-bunching rule as well. Bernie Mac was ahead of his time.

Now this NSA was a real thrill-a-diller. Singles are bunched together (I know, Bernie. I know.) in small tables and forced to do as the hostess/emcee/aggro female sex therapist commands. First of all, no one tells me what to do. So we have a real problem in the first five minutes of this show. The hostess then precedes to select random singles and demand they makeout, take off shirt, sit on lap, simulate oral sex with a watermelon -- in the lap of a strange girl.

When asked to act like animals, people will. It goes without saying that I was horrified. I try not to mix among you too often and clearly this is why. Thankfully I was not called upon to participate because I can assure you, it would have ended badly for someone who is not me.

So all this interaction has me wondering what the hell you have against sleep/sleeping/sleeping alone? I, for one, love sleeping. When I'm tired of being awake, I can nod off just about anywhere. Cars, planes, waiting rooms, hairdresser's. You name it, I can sleep there. It's part of my super power. To shut down, naturally, on command.

Seriously, you should try it. Turn it off, people. You're not doing anyone any favors staying awake. And damn it, stop bunching.