Anti-nature

Is what you see here natural? No, it is not. This is photographic evidence of why I am anti-nature. Yes, this is my totally delicious and juicy leg. Try to stay focused.

This past weekend I escaped the secret headquarters on a fact-finding mission in the woods. I was off grid for several days. Your attempts to reach me proved futile. I said I was off grid.

While finding facts in a "park", I was viciously attacked by Nature. Jerk. I did not see this assault coming. The exact nature of the creature which feasted on my totally delicious and juicy leg is still under investigation. In a matter of minutes post-attack, my leg grew very very angry (as seen above). The tiny bite became a hockey puck-sized area that burned. Boy, did it burn. My attempts to soothe the area proved futile. I tried reasoning with my totally delicious but now inflamed leg. Stubborn!

There's no way I'm letting Nature take me down. I ain't going out like this, Nature.

It was rumored I might contract Lyme Disease from this bite. Thankfully those rumors are false. Several balms later, my leg has grown less angry but no less delicious.

In conclusion, Nature is hostile and rude. I am still delicious and juicy. I will be adding these important findings to my Anti-Nature file. I reject camping. (I threw that in for good measure.)

You're welcome.