Lifestyles of the rich and shameless

In other news, rich people think it’s “cute,” “trendy,” and “a great conversation starter” to live across the street from prison.

Women’s prison, mind you. As if women don’t have the rage of a thousand bastards and can’t go murdering whenever they feel like. Did you see “Monster,” rich people? Charlize Theron may be beautiful but she was a batshit crazy murderer in that piece.

And, another thing. Your rich people use of “the p-word” is wholly rejected by me. It’s PRISON, you idiots. There’s a reason certain words are abbreviated and being rich isn’t a good reason.

Listen, rich people: You are the worst. The very fact that this was news in The New York Times is proof of your supreme worstness. Stop acting surprised when the inmates of said women’s prison flip you the bird after you wave from your multimillion-dollar condo.

And, if you think you’re safe, consider this:

“A medium-security prison like Bayview houses a range of inmates, including well-behaved violent offenders and nonviolent offenders whose crimes were severe, according to the State Department of Corrections. That could mean people convicted of a variety of crimes, including murder, robbery and selling drugs. Most of the women at Bayview are nearing the end of their sentences or are in work-release programs.”

Here’s what I’m taking away from this paragraph:

• Your neighbors are violent murderers and robbers.
• They are also serious.
• You are rich.
• They probably want to murder and rob you. 
• Seriously. 
• (But at least, they’re well behaved.)
• Baiting these women at the end of their tenure is probably the stupidest of all your stupid rich people ideas.
• They know where you live, dummies.
• They’ve been watching you for months.

Think they can’t get in? Consider this:

“For about five hours during the week and eight hours on weekends, Bayview inmates are permitted out on the roof to take in the air. They can choose between the exercise area, which has sweeping city views, and a smaller deck, lined with gray plastic picnic tables, that has straight-on views of the Hudson River.”

Did you see “Prison Break,” rich people? They basically showed you how to break out of prison. And this is medium security. Piece. Of. Cake.

If those lady inmates aren’t plotting to take over your entire building right now in lady inmate style and turn it into a serious murdering, robbing drug den – albeit a proper one – then you’re not as rich as you thought. You’re just dumb. Which should be a capital offense.