Important messages from Facebook

Facebook Ads prove RIF (reading is fundamental). I learned two important things today:

• Cats can't see shit.
• Dentists are nefarious.

I vouch for the verity of the above statements and I repeat them with impunity:

• Cats can't see shit.
  
• Dentists are nefarious.

Here is the evidence to support these claims. Judge for yourself.

Highly informational Facebook ads in question

I've always suspected that cats need glasses. This explains the irrational and totally unprovoked behavior of my dearly departed Muffin. Yes, as a child I did squeeze her (for science) and drag her around in my sleeping bag (for ease of transportation). Her violent outbursts never made any sense back then but now, yes. Maybe if Muffin had a good pair of hipster frames, we could have all just gotten along.

Look, I've written about cat-related shocking discoveries before. Cats are killers. This is common knowledge. Now we know they're also blind. . . with rage! 

Isn't it ironic that we have cat-eye frames and not a single feline has benefited personally? I should really start a foundation.

As for the evil doings of dentists, I'm shocked that they'd reveal their secret practices so brazenly in this ad. Take a long look at that stock lady. Where is she exactly? Heaven? A beach? On a longboat to China? Why is her hair so messy? Why is she wearing a white robe? Is she in the lockup?

Don't think I haven't picked up on the strange coincidence that my own dentist emailed me yesterday to make an appointment and today I was served this dentist ad.

In contrast, I'd like to share with you an example of advertising done exceptionally well.

Exhibit A: Excellent advertisement

Clear. Concise. Enticing to the unwashed masses. No mention of cats (jerks) or dentists (devils).

Hey man, not everyone can be as touched by the genius to craft such an excellent advertisement. Not everyone can repress the urge to share their dirty dirty doings (see dentists) That's a tough break.

Nevertheless, I urge you to pay attention to the messages that surround us. Especially on the highly educational Facebook.