MOVE! Marlboro Man

As some of you may know, I love my laundromat. Many a story has been woven around the happenings at said wash & dry. Yesterday was no exception.

Upon entering, I noticed a funk but couldn't determine the exact funk source. There was a curious man in a high trucker-style cap and flannel shirt but I sniffed around him and gave him the negativo. So I'm washing. I'm washing. I'm washing. And I can't help but watch this man. He's taken his shirt off and put on another flannel shirt.

(Pause for station break. It was 77 degrees yesterday. Not necessarily flannel-wearing weather.)

I watch this man walk outside where he has a large shopping cart parked with all manner of neatly organized bags. I did notice he had nice toenails. No lie. Really. So there he is outside with his carton of whole milk. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that. He had a quart of whole milk with him. That could have been what first attracted my attention. He takes long gulps from his carton. It was a hot day -- I guess milk can be refreshing. He then lights up a cigar. I couldn't even make this up, it's so good. He's smoking his cigar and drinking whole milk.

Let me just repeat that for good measure.

He's smoking his cigar and drinking whole milk. From the carton.

As this whole scene was being played out, I couldn't help but think of the Ludacris song "Move". You know the one. Or the video maybe. Luda has these crazytown big arms and walks down the street, knocking shit over with his posse of beefy ladies.

This man reminded me of that video for whatever reason. And then I thought, this guy could totally take the Marlboro Man in a tussle. He wasn't especially big or tall or sculpted nor was he riding a horse. He was just mas machismo. I'm not advocating an actual throw-down 'cause I think the Marlboro Man is dead and that kind of seems like the odds would naturally be against him. I'm just saying.

It's nice to have heroes.