Shocking discovery: Part II

Not so long ago, I alerted you to the dangers of the house cat.

(Tiny furry murderous killers, you are on notice.)

A gift of a chocolate bunny this morning reminded me of another tiny furry murderous killer.

BUNNIES

Maybe when you think of BUNNIES, these words come to mind: fluffy, white, brown, cuddly, hippity-hoppity happiness on tiny bent legs with beady murderous holes for eyes and razor-sharp fangs to sink deep into the hind quarters of even smaller, fluffier prey.

You're only half right.

BUNNIES KILL.

I know. I've seen it.

We had BUNNIES when I was small (but no less powerful). These BUNNIES had babies. Little fluff balls of cotton yip-yip-yipping around in their turd-filled cage.

I would stare at these BUNNIES, wishing I was as puffy and miniature and light. Then one day, the father BUNNY ate his baby BUNNIES.

Ate them. With his face. In front of my child eyes. Do I recall the first murderous stab into baby BUNNY? No. I remember the happening. And that is enough. (Lest you suspect this incident as pure imagination, I checked with kin and they confirmed the facts. Gung gung.)

Like the house cat, BUNNIES cannot be trusted.

Food for thought:

• Slaughter the lamb and not the BUNNY? What kind of BUNNY mafia is running this holiday? 

• Who's funding the BUNNIES? The NRA? (National Rifle Association, my ass. More like National Rabbit Association.) 

• Is it any wonder the hare is such an asshole in his race with the tortoise? 
• Wasn't Bugs Bunny kind of a jerk? 

• What measure of evil created the Cadburry BUNNY which clucks like a chicken and lays chocolate eggs? Schizophrenic little fuckers.

• Remember Peter Rabbit? Yeah, bad to the bone. 

• Thumper? No friend of yours. Name says it all, kids. Will steal your boyfriend. Can't be trusted. 

• Rabbit from Winnie the Pooh? Masking his murderous feelings with cleverness and irritability. 

• Trix rabbit? Spoon-feeding kids sugary balls of death. 

• We cut off their feet and use them as luck and you don't think BUNNIES have a vendetta? Find me someone who's benefited from a rabbit's foot. You cannot. Rabbit's foot: REJECTED. 

My Easter message to you is this. Beware of BUNNIES, rabbits, hares, fluffy cottontails, hopping down bunny trails with or without their rabbits' foots/feets. Shocking, but no less true for part two of shocking discoveries. You're welcome.