in my pocket

this post may be too intimate for many of you. join me on a highly provocative journey inside my pocket. it's like my inner circle, only better, because it's attached to me at all times. except of course when i'm not in pants but i have seriously entertained the idea of sewing pockets into my flesh, although i can't sew so at this period in time that option is not feasible. hold stroke of genius for later development.

back to my pocket. i've had numerous conversations about my pocket in the last two days. it's really amazing. i mean, yes, my pocket is amazing, but it's also quite stellar that other people are eager to engage in conversation concerning my pocket.

so here goes. two days ago the idea of putting someone in my pocket came up. pushing that someone way down inside my pocket. for safekeeping of course, not for anything weird or perverted. (my pocket resents the accusation of anything not above board.) i know what you're thinking. how am i going to get that someone into my pocket? the invitation alone pretty much does the trick -- my pocket is very inviting. but there are some physical obstacles. my pocket is not that large; deep yes, but not altogether roomy.

to make a long story short, this particular someone i had my eye on for my pocket would have had to undergo some miniaturization. i had concentrated real hard on that someone, applying my full mental powers to shrinking that someone down to acceptable pocket size. when focused on a task, i am very persuasive. but then i thought, "geez, maybe that someone's relatives and friends wouldn't be too happy with me if i was to miniaturize and push that someone way down inside my pocket." so i relented. (don't even bother trying to figure out who this someone is because i can assure you that you will never divine it because this someone was a stranger both to you and to me.)

but this same very intriguing topic of conversation came up again today. a co-worker mentioned that she had entertained the idea of shrinking someone and placing that someone on a shelf, like a shelf she would store very important things on. for reference and to admire, you know normal everyday things. i decided that my original idea of placing someone in my pocket is a very, very good idea and therefore would like to propose the following people be put into my pocket after the requisite miniaturization process.

PEOPLE I'D LIKE TO PUT IN MY POCKET
(in no particular order)

-- the crazy lady on my street. she's a yeller and quite fierce in her slinging of the trash talk. i think she'd be handy to have at my disposal in case anyone pisses me off.

-- cab driver. i often get turned around and it would be a huge boon to have my own mini-mapquester.

-- jon stewart. he has pretty hair. and he can help me cheat on the ny times crossword puzzles.

-- little girls in their big sunglasses and their little dogs. enough already. we've all suffered our fair share and i'm willing to do something about it.

-- benicio del toro. he's dirty and i just like him. don't ask me to explain it. and again, nice hair.

-- that someone that started me off on this whole wild tangent. i'd still put you in my pocket.

that's about all i'm willing to share for right now. i feel very exposed and vulnerable now.