Keep it in your pants, dummy

What is it with these politicians and their extramarital affairs? South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford dropped a doozy of an extra-stupid, yearlong fling with his Argentinian girlfriend.

After he disappeared last week, his staff first said he was hiking on the Appalachian Trail. It later emerged he had travelled to Argentina to be with his lover, leaving his family over Father's Day weekend.

Really? What the f, Sanford? Did he really think he was so covert as to get away with this rendezvous? It’s just too much. And this clown sits on a high horse about family values? Wow.

It seems to be a trend with the government folks to drop trou whenever and with whomever. Remember the romps of Bill Clinton, Eliot Spitzer, Jim McGreevey and most recently John Ensign. Let me point out that these are not super attractive men. But they’re boning like a mofo. Bone Zone all up in this joint. Maybe part of government service is servicing the people in the naked way.

I’m kind of disgusted.

The media is all a buzz with whether or not Sanford will step down from his Governorship. If it wasn’t for the lying and the coercing his staff to lie for him and the passport requirement to have aforementioned boning, I might show some leniency. But big guy went through Customs to bone and on top of it, boned on Father’s Day. I’m pretty sure that makes you the absolute Worst Father Ever. They should make coffee mugs with that saying.

You know shit happens. People cheat. Those people generally suck. There are a very few exceptions when circumstances are extraordinary — or extraterrestrial — but usually you can count on the cheater being a total a-hole. And in any other industry, your job wouldn’t be threatened by you being a dick in your professional life. (If only that were true, considering there are so many dicks in the corporate and nonprofit world.) In Sanford’s case, his being a total dick could end his career. Do I feel badly for him? Nope. Do I feel badly for his wife? I did for a minute until she said she’d forgive him, in time. I’d say take a pass, lady. Just my opinion.

In conclusion, I’d like to offer this advice to those aspiring to political bigwig or talking head or dude who wears suit 99% of the time: Keep it zipped and locked, dummy.

You’re not welcome. But you never are, are you?