Can it!

What will those kooky Japanese think of next? First it was oxygen bars where you could sidle up to the pump and inhale to your heart's content. Mmm, air! Now the new craze is oxygen in a can. The launch of this radical product O2 Supli was yesterday in 11,000 7-11s across Japan. (When did 7-11 invade Japan??? Can I get a Big Gulp in Tokyo cause if so I am like totally on the next plane outta here!).

How does 02 Suppli work, you ask? Well, according to my sources, it shoots a big old gulp of air into the user's mouth, nose, throat via a plastic mask attached to the can. How cool is that? It's like whippits but without all the chemical crap and occasional blackouts and general stupidity of partaking in the whippit. So far, it sounds like the USP is an end to yawning, sighing, flatulation, and all the other really fun things that people do. What a buzz kill. Oh yeah, oxygen comes in two flavors: grapefruit and mint.

Similar to paying for water, paying for oxygen sounds a little off the wall to me. I know, "nothing's free in this world." I also know I am highly skeptical about almost everything, a Debbie Downer if you will (I prefer the descriptive "discriminating"), but maybe that's because I yawn and sigh with abandon, whenever and however often I damn well feel like it.

So my message to Japan regarding your oxygenated can of anti-fun is this:

YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME.

God, I love saying that.

I don't mind Japan so much really. If not for Japan, Hello Kitty would be homeless and I'm pretty sure she'd get her fat cat ass beat up real good if she had to hoof it on the dark, dirty streets. And thank Japan for sushi, a truly delicious and nutritious treat. And Sofia Coppola should be sending out some big props for winning that Oscar for that movie that had virtually no compelling text but was mesmerizing nonetheless due to the very intriguing backdrop of Japan and also for Bill Murray. Japan is totally the boss of her.

In sum, keep it coming, Japan. That's a big thumbs up from one Shiny Penny. Make that a double.

All of a sudden I'm winded. Can somebody open a window around here?