When people casually mention to me their plans for world domination or how those plans for world domination might get in the way of hanging out with me, I usually shrug it off with my happy-go-lucky laugh and an innocent shrug that says volumes, including: "oh well," "rats!" and "good luck with that." But I digress.
World domination will be my primary topic today. Here goes. Usually when the people above have mentioned their plans for world domination, those plans involved some sort of evil. This may not surprise you. It never surprised me for I know that there is in fact great capacity for evil when it comes to plans for world domination and just plans in general. However, what did surprise me was the connection between world domination and the Guinness Book of World Records. For, to make it into the latter is a sort of world domination. To be the world's fastest cherry stem knotter is pretty dominating and intimidating for that matter. Or take Kevin Cole for example. Kev holds the world record for the longest spaghetti strand blown out of a nostril in a single blow. It's on the books, if you don't believe me. Kevin Cole: evil genius or master of the known universe?
It's simply amazing the breadth and depth of world domination contained in the Guinness Book of World Records site. I highly recommend you take a spin through. One note of caution: when you google for Guinness, beware that the first link is for the delicious Irish beer with the foamy cap and when you click on that link you will find yourself in a very happy place and immediately grow very very thirsty and light headed and then a little bit sad that you do not have directly at your disposal one of those delicious Irish beers with the foamy cap. Depression will follow this last bit but try to snap yourself out of it and remember you're looking for the Guinness Book of World Records site and not the delicious Irish beer with the foamy cap that makes everyone smile and generally feel like a better person.
Okay. Back to world domination. I was listening to the radio today on a long drive to my secret hideaway where I generally go to charge my superpowers and eat until my face hurts. And so, I heard this story about the world's largest pinhole camera which will be photographing the world's largest picture. This is all happening at a naval base somewhere in the US. There are several fascinating bits to this story. The picture will be like 3 stories tall and take 10 days to develop in 200 gallons of chemicals. The pinhole of the camera is about 3/4 of an inch in diameter so I guess that's like the size of a gumball. The specially constructed hangar that houses the world's largest camera will be torn down once this one picture is taken.
Talk about world domination! That's how you do it! You create something so colossal, dare I say Godzilla-like, make it into the Guinness Book of World Records (in your own newly created category, mind you), and then destroy the beast. This story has made me re-evaluate all mentions of plans for world domination. Because really, if you're going to go about town with your big girl and big boy plans for world domination, you better aim for the Guinness (both the World Records and the delicious Irish beer with the foamy cap). All this talk reminds me of the Strongest Man Competition which may be unrelated but is equally fascinating. That's all I'm going to say on that subject.
In conclusion, I'm sure I have insulted many people right now who are wondering if they were in fact the spark to this highly entertaining and just generally awesome blog. I assure you that you can all rest easy tonight because total credit goes to my own inner evil genius and our collective plans for world domination. Further research will be launched into the category of my world domination -- a lot of ground is covered in the Guinness Book of World Records -- but I'm sure I can find something equal to my stature and talent as both an evil genius and a really kick-ass person that you should have hung out with instead of using that lame excuse about world domination. Awesome.
[DISCLAIMER: the "you" in the above is fictional. Should you think that you are in fact the you, you are wrong and probably need to take a long look in the mirror and ask yourself why you think everything is always about you.]
you means you doesn't it, you! it's the dream theory that even when you dream other people, you are really the person you are dreaming about.
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