Yes, I am quietly judging you

You know they sell the funniest T-shirts these days. I ran across one with the subject line indicated here and thought to myself, "A mighty truth that one is." Another one of my top favorites is the following, "Meat is murder. Tasty, tasty murder."

The text T-shirt is all the rage these days. I was thinking long and hard about this trend for about the last five minutes. On one side of the debate are the poo-poo'ers who claim advertising is bad and people who wear T-shirts with witty sayings like "What's not to love?" lack originality (the people, that is, not the genius in marketing who came up with that witty saying). On the freedom-of-speech side are the folks wearing these clever T-shirts who feel this is an appropriate form of self-expression.

Let me tell you a story. My very good friend of many years and I were on a constitution one day when we spied in a store window a black T-shirt with large white block lettering that read, "Fuck you, you fucking fuck." We had a good laugh about that. I think it's a quote from the movie Scarface with Al Pacino. Anyway, every time I've seen that T-shirt since I've wanted to purchase this highly provocative garment for my very good friend of many years because she's quite the titilator in both brains and beauty.

Sometimes I visit the T-shirt site threadless.com which specializes in all kinds of generally awesome cotton garb. It's an open-source kind of operation which I endorse whole-heartedly. (If you don't know what that very technical term means, look it up. I'm busy.) I'm unclear on the business model but seeing as these T-shirts are only $10 and generally in short supply as they are almost always "sold out", I don't suspect anyone's being harmed in the making or manufacturing of these T-shirts. But then there's The Kathy Lee Gifford Scandal, and if that didn't throw you for a loop like it did this Shiny Penny, well then there you are.

I say if you've got something to say then say it already and if you are unable to articulate what you need to say then why not use your T-shirt to say that un-sayable something that you feel needs to be said so desperately. Sometimes, I wish my T-shirts were like mood rings that would convey my changing moods toward whomever is staring/ talking/ harrassing/ flirting/ annoying/ or whatever else with me. I have no doubt some evil genius somewhere has this sort of project in the innovation lab as I write.

So let the poo-poo'ers poo poo you and quietly judge you because at the end of the day I am not-so-quietly judging them right back.

In conclusion, I'd like to extend my suggestions for text T-shirts. Feel free to steal or co-opt these as you see fit. We both will know where the big ideas are really coming from.

REALLY GREAT IDEAS FOR TEXT TO PUT ON YOUR T-SHIRT

1. Sometimes I want to smack you. Sometimes I want you to smack yourself.

2. Show me the receipts. (As quoted from the Whitney Houston - Barbara Walters interview when the songstress was asked if she hit the pipe, which she vehemently denied with this very convincing retort.)

3. Stop doing it. Now.

4. I feel pretty.

5. I am hungry.

6. Do you have any cheese?

7. This is not funny anymore.

8. Can I go now?

9. Stop bugging me.

10. It ends here.

If you have any really great ideas for text to put on your T-shirt, send them my way and I'll let you know if you have a really great idea on your hands or you're just wasting everyone's time.