My Powerful Mind

You know that expression, "mind over matter"? Yeah, I don't know what kind of evil genius came up with that one, but I can attest to its veracity. My mind is like a powerful universe. My mind is like space: vast, dark, impenetrable. See where I'm going here?

My Powerful Mind, a short tale

I was working at my top secret headquarters last week. Doing my thing. Pushing paper. Typing the e-mails. Brokering big deals on the telephone. Generally being awesome.

Per usual, I took some time out of my hectic schedule to catch up with a co-worker. I am a people person. We were having a close conversation because we didn't anyone else to hear our top secret plans for world domination and how fat someone's ankles looked in those heels. You know, chit chat. It was a great conversation and both of us were pleased with how witty and charming we are.

The following day I was unofficially informed that this same co-worker was infested with germs of the strep throat variety. Yeah, can you believe that? I was having a close conversation with CONTAGION in its rawest form.

My first reaction: "I hope she'll be okay." "That really sucks." "She'll bounce right back."

My second reaction: "Motherfucker, if I get sick, there is going to be all kinds of rage up in this place."

If you don't believe me, see SICK I, SICK II, and SICK III: THE ANGER in previous posts.

The next two days passed without incident. Yesterday all kinds of shit hit the big fan. I noticed a slight difficulty swallowing. I phoned my super medical team who are at the ready to answer my every call. The conversation went something like this;

ME: "I'VE BEEN EXPOSED. MY HEALTH HAS BEEN COMPROMISED."

SUPER MEDICAL TEAM: "WHEN?"

ME: "TWO DAYS AGO, WEDNESDAY."

SUPER MEDICAL TEAM: "DOES YOUR THROAT HURT?"

ME: "I DON'T KNOW. [PAUSE] I JUST DON'T KNOW, MAN."

Wow, that was hard to relive. As the day pushed on, my ear started to hurt, or so I thought. Then my legs began to give way. I felt faint on the subway. My Powerful Mind had assumed total control. I was sick.

Damn you, Powerful Mind.

I tossed and turned last night. My ear still throbs. I don't know if my throat hurts. I just don't know. I may be dying slowly from the inside.

Maybe the popular TV show HOUSE will do a show on me and my mysterious illness. That might be worth the suffering.

In conclusion, when you are gossipping as you surely will be (90% of all conversation is gossip according to some anthropologist), just remember that you may be exposed to strep throat. Then think to yourself whether you're badmouthing is really worth dying for. Is it?