Proverbially speaking

I found myself on this proverbs site today. I had no idea how many proverbs there really were or just how ridiculous the majority are. Here's a sampling:

-- "Don't cross the bridge till you come to it."
Can I have a duh moment for a second? How can you cross the bridge if you haven't come to it? Do you mean a mental bridge and not the Brooklyn Bridge? That's deep, man.

-- "A good man is hard to find."
No comment.

-- "You can't make an omelette without breaking eggs."
Is this a proverb or Joy of Cooking?

-- "Don't try to teach your grandma to suck eggs."
Not from the Joy of Cooking. Apparently it means don't give advice to someone with more experience or who seems crotchedy and wields a cane.

-- "Don't keep a dog and bark yourself."
Hold the phone, Buck Jones. Say what? What if you really liked to bark? And you were good at it? And your dog liked it too? I reject this proverb.

-- "Life's not all beer and skittles."
Really? Because that sounds like a pretty righteous combination. I want to taste the rainbow. [See World Domination post for my feelings on delicious beer products.]

-- "Two heads are better than one."
Unless of course you're attached to that head as in siamese twins. I don't think siamese twins think that their two conjoined heads are better than one un-conjoined head on one un-conjoined body. This is my assumption; I have not done fieldwork.

-- "Live for today for tomorrow never comes."
What??? Holy crap, are you kidding? I didn't do Jack today and now I'm going to die? Thanks for the memo. Jerk.

-- "Handsome is as handsome does."
I'd like to amend this to Awesome is as awesome does. I still don't know what it means but it sounds infintiely cooler now.

I'm getting pretty bored with these proverbs now. Feel free to send me your own proverbs to make fun of.

Remember, awesome is as awesome does.

Right. On.