The Father of Cool

You might think I'm going to wax on about Miles Davis. Au contraire, mon frer. Sure, Miles was super cool and "Kind of Blue" does something very unnatural to me. Today, however, I'd like to do an homage to the real Father of Cool. I owe him everything.

WILLIS HAVILAND CARRIER

Can you dig it? Is that the baddest motherfucking name ever? Word. It is.

Now you might be all set to Google this mofo but that's why I'm here. To educate, to lift you out of the dark recesses, to give you something bright and shiny to look forward to.

Let's go back in time. After a hard day at my other top secret headquarters, I entered my super top secret headquarters only to discover it's like a h-oven in here! Who the hell closed all the windows? Heavens to mergutroid, it was I!

After recovering from the shock of being duped once again by the weatherman, I quickly retreated to my upper lair for the cool, cool wave of air conditioning.

Air Conditioning. Sounds Pavlovian.

Admittedly I fought the temptress Air Conditioning for some time. I thought I was strong. I am weak. I know that now.

Anyway, as I worshipped my GoldStar, I thought who invented this superb machine? I am like a detective as I've said on many occasions so this was an easy task. Yes, that's right. Willis patented this beauty. And you know what? Willis ain't a bad looking cat. He is The Father of Cool after all. We have a lot in common.

In conclusion, the next time you're busy sweating something out or just sweating in general, ask yourself what Willis Haviland Carrier would do? No idea? Then ask yourself what Shiny Penny would do. She'd turn on the f'ing Air Conditioning and stop whining. But that's just me. You should probably sweat it out.