You know how sometimes you see things -- unusual things -- and you think for a moment that you've taken the crazy pills again? But then you shake your head and look again and that same unusual thing is still there? It's at this pivotal moment that you remember you have not taken the crazy pills today. Look out!
I witnessed a fully grown adult sucking the life out of her own thumb today. She sucked it like it was made of mint chocolate chip ice cream, which is delicious by anyone's standards. Hell, if my extremities tasted like mint chocolate chip ice cream, I'd be all over that. They do not.
Anyway, this particular thumbsucker was quite the case. She appeared also to have a serious burn on the side of her head. She was wearing a strange white outfit and had gray braids. It was all very confusing to me. I wanted to hug her. I wanted to hug her but I was afraid she'd stab me. She could very well have stabbed me with her thumb. I imagine that would have been unpleasant to experience and also unpleasant to have reported on the news as my cause of death. Stabbed by crazy thumb on subway.
I've also made several mental notes of various folks with the neck tattoo. Don't get me twisted: I am an admirer of the tattoo. But there seems to be a preponderance of people with art on their necks. I can't imagine this is a fun experience. Back of the neck maybe; front of the neck NO WAY. What gives? I was staring at a woman just the other day with all manner of stars on her neck and she caught me looking and I'm pretty sure gave me the look of "I will rip your face off." I can't be 100% on that look but maybe 98.9%.
Look here. If you're going to go to the trouble to get a neck tattoo, then I suggest you lighten the fuck up because I for one am going to look. Invest in a turtleneck if you don't like it. And if you still don't like it, be forewarned that I will go Bruce Lee all over this subway car and then what?
Yeah, I didn't think so.
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