"I reject that."

Let's set some ground rules because I think you're taking some liberties. When I say, "I reject [this] or [that]." I am making a statement of fact. Please don't feel the need to interject or rebut with "I reject [insert your ridiculous ridiculosity]."

Perhaps I did not make myself clear. "I reject that" has been trademarked by The Office of Me. Using our trademark in any way incurs penalties that you are not prepared to have exacted from you by The Office of Me.

Let me rephrase. When I say, "I reject [this] or [that]." you should take a moment to reflect that I have considered your babblings and therefore passed my swift justice. It's really a closed conversation after this point. I don't understand why you insist on arguing. Petulance is not rewarded in heaven.

Allow me to indulge you. Please keep the following list close at hand so as not to further annoy me. Keep in mind that lists will save your soul. People who make lists and then routinely cross items off lists rule the world.

THINGS I REJECT -- A LIST. BY SHINY PENNY

-- Any retort to my trademarked statement "I reject [this] or [that]."

-- Organ meat.

-- Boots and shorts, in combination.

-- Short people masquerading as tall people. You know who you are. This excludes those on stilts.

-- Padma Lakshmi. I'd like to see your kitchen credentials please.

-- Peking duck.

-- Taking someone literally downtown to Chinatown. Figuratively, it's right on.

-- Babies in sunglasses.

-- Marshmallows in any form.


This is the shortlist. Things I do not reject include: the question, "Donde esta la biblioteca?", mangoes, beards, neck tattoos that I can stare at freely, etc. These are a few of my favorite things.

Are we seeing eye to eye now? One more time. You cannot -- in fact you may not -- reject that which I have already rejected. Rejection is good, especially when it's coming from me because at the end of the day you can rest easy in the consolation that you love me very much and I do not reject that.