Call me!

"Hi. How are you? I'm great. Shiny Penny may or may not be home. What do you want?"

That's pretty much how my last conversation went with the telemarketer. The telemarketer calls me almost every morning at precisely 7 a.m. I ignore these calls. Thank you, caller ID.

Today, I answered. I think I needed to talk to someone. And this telemarketer had something very important to say to me, otherwise why would this telemarketer call me every day for two months at the same time? This telemarketer is dedicated. I appreciate this kind of devotion, as I deserve it.

Turns out, this telemarketer didn't have much to say of an urgent nature. I was tempted to ask my own questions of this telemarketer.

"How about a subscription to the New York Times?"

"Are you happy?"

"One month free plus weekends!"

"Do you feel exclamation points really convey your emotion?"

"And free access to all this great content on the Web."

"The InterWeb is evil. Comment."

Yeah, this telemarketer was not engaging. At least in my imaginary conversation with said telemarketer. I tried diligently to get said telemarketer off script. No dice. I suspect said telemarketer was a robot in disguise.

The phone is funny that way. It's a pity teleconferencing never caught on. Or video phone. I suspect the urge to talk on the phone naked or while on the john or while picking your nose is too strong to allow for teleconferencing or the videophone. Pity.

I think I signed up for that DO NOT CALL list. It doesn't seem to have taken. People still want to talk to me. And who can blame them? I am an excellent conversationalist.

So fine. Call me if you must. I may answer. I may probe deep within your heart. I may unravel your mysteries. I may just hang up. It's the thrill of the chase. Try me.

I dare you.