Very Scary

A lot of folks are really getting into the Halloween spirit. I’ve seen a fair share of costuming in the last few days. Some good. Some bad. Most just slutty. All of which confirms my belief that Halloween is kind of stupid.

Despite my anti-Halloween proclamation, I felt it fitting to draw up a list.

I submit the following.

PEOPLE, PLACES, OR THINGS THAT SCARE ME a list by Shiny Penny.

-- Ferrets.

-- People who own ferrets.

-- Places where there are a hell of a lot of ferrets.

-- Hell.

-- Fundamentalists. (Note that “fun” and “mental” are contained herein. Not a good sign.)

-- Grilles. As in decorative braces.

-- Redheads. Pretty much across the board. Sorry, red.

-- People who thank the Lord or Jesus or the Lord Jesus after they’ve won something, like at the end of a reality show or the Super Bowl or after receiving a free bowl of soup at Chili’s.

-- Those starving people on “Survivor.”

-- Alec Baldwin. But only mad, “you little pig” Alec Baldwin. I might enjoy him yelling at me. Ergo: scary.

-- And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead. In name only; musically, thumbs up.

-- Trail(s) of Dead.

-- The Dead. Pretty much in any form (including musical ensemble).

-- Staph infections. Flesh eating diseases. TB. Mad cow disease. Bird flu. Any combination therein.

-- When you innocently Google someone and the results go on for more than 10 pages. Unsavory topics contained therein. And exclusive photos! Yay!

-- Results.

-- Mayonnaise.

-- Teenagers. Teenagers on the street. Teenagers on mass transit. Teenagers hanging out outside my Rite-Aid.

-- Rats! As an expression: awesome. As an animal: opposite of awesome.

-- The Japanese. Far too creative for their own good.


That’s a double Top Ten, as in a list of 20. Do not attempt to use the above items in some kind of mass scare tactic against me. If jars of #17 mayo start arriving at my headquarters, you will not enjoy #16 the results as it will most likely involve #10 Alec Baldwin getting somewhere close to your face with #1 ferrets or #7 redheads. Not good odds however you shake it.

Word.