In an effort to counteract The Reading's predictions, I recently underwent acupuncture. As a result, I have not only been poked and prodded but now have magnets in my ears. The magnets have thrown me a little off kilter. You could say I've experienced some disorientation, fatigue, confusion, general malaise. All of which means, IT'S TOTALLY WORKING.
If you've never undergone acupuncture, allow me to give you a taste. Your acupuncturist will ask you very personal questions for at least 45 minutes. These include, but are not limited to:
-- What do you eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner?
-- Do you dream in color?
-- What is the consistency of your bowel movements?
-- On a scale of 1 to 10, how awesome are you?
The Chinese leave no stone unturned. I'll get my official "diagnosis" in a week after my acupuncturist has a chance to really mull over all that is so wrong -- and yeah so right! -- with me.
Initial prognosis was I don't have enough blood circulating throughout my body. This makes my spirit angry. No shit! I'm angry just thinking about it. I'm not exactly sure how I remedy this blood issue but you can trust that I am on top of it. If puppies start to go missing or blood banks get looted, don't look at me.
As far as the actual acupuncture part, it was pretty awesome getting stuck with tiny needles. I had a few in my feet and legs, two in each hand, and the motherload in my stomach. Something truly dastardly must be cooking underneath my rock hard core. This does not surprise me one bit. I have to admit I did keep my eyes closed while the needles were in me -- more for your sake. I can only imagine how freakalicious I looked with those needles sticking out of me. You'll have to imagine too.
In conclusion, my spirit is angry and you may be responsible. Full diagnosis to come. Acupuncture is really fun. I can't wait to get needles in my head and neck. Keep your puppies close. That is all.
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