AdAge recently announced its Power 150: Top Media and Marketing Blogs. I was not included on this list. Thanks for voting, jerks. Even though I do not purport to be a Media nor a Marketing Blog, I'm still offended. I should be categorically #1 on all lists.
Let's move on.
I perused this list. There were many titles I did not recognize and which I deemed not worth my precious click. Bloggers like to name their blogs after themselves it seems, with exclamation points! Note that I do not title my blog Shiny Penny! Thank you for your consideration.
I did click on one Copyblogger because it had two words I like: copy and blog. Both of which I am masters of. I'm unclear on the owner and author of this blog, however, I took special note of the following list:
THE 5 IMMUTABLE LAWS OF PERSUASIVE BLOGGING
As you may gather, there are several BIG claims in the title of this list alone. Five. Immutable. Persuasive.
Wow, I was so engaged. I continued reading.
Law 1: The Law of Value: Your blog must provide value to the reader by addressing a problem, concern, desire, or need that the reader already has. Fresh, original content is critical.
Yeah, I totally nailed this one. I don't think I really need to go into any detail here. I'm so out there on the field for you every day. You should show some appreciation, damn it. You're really ungrateful sometimes. You should work on that.
Law 2: The Law of Headlines and Hooks: Your post titles must stand out in a crowded, noisy blogosphere, and you must quickly communicate the value of reading further with your opening.
Please. Is this Copyblogger serious? I am all over headlines and hooks. I should rename this blog Captain Motherfucking Hook. I dominate Law 2.
Law 3: The Law of “How To”: People don’t want to know “what” you can do, they want to know “how” it’s done. If you think you’re giving away too much information, you’re on the right track.
I beg to differ, Copyblogger. There are many mysteries in this universe and I happen to be one of them. If I reveal all of my secrets, you, dear reader, may imagine that you are actually of the same mettle. That would be unfortunate for you. I can see awful headlines now. Stick to your station. Everyone's better off. I'll tip in my service journalism when appropriate. Didn't I warn you about waving too violently to the manatee? Yes, I did. Didn't I advise you not to wear denim in extreme heat? Affirmative. Didn't I counsel you on the benefits of making lists and not staring at people with neck tattoos and faithfully showing the Bruce Lee adoration? Right on on all accounts. If this isn't how-to station, I don't know what is. You're not getting this caliber of wisdom for free anywhere else. Quit being so needy.
Law 4: The Law of the List: Love them or hate them, informational posts presented in list format are easily digestible, and allow for an efficient transfer of your value proposition to the reader.
You're welcome.
Law 5: The Law of the Story: Stories are the most persuasive blogging element of all, as they allow you to present a problem, the solution, and the results, all while the connotation of the story allows readers to sell themselves on what you have to offer.
Oops, sorry, I nodded off. I tell you stories. Every day is like a new adventure for you. I'm not into the sales aspect though. I like to close the deal just as much as the next future world dominator but sometimes it's a bit cheesy. I am not in fact for sale at this juncture. Anyway, I think this Law 5 pretty lame as #5s go. So I'm just going to do something ballsy and reject it outright.
In conclusion, I am still not on AdAge's Power 150 and I blame you. I really hope you'll step up to the plate and take responsibility for your inaction. I can't carry you all the time. Try to do your small part for Shiny Penny.
Thanks for loving.
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