Reflections from the Think Tank

I have returned from my top secret mission to Shiny Penny Research Laboratories, location undisclosed. The Doctors housed and fed me as we conducted our many tests on humanity and the environment. I'm working on the patents now but thought fit to share with you some of what we have learned in preliminary field work.

WHAT I LEARNED ON SUMMER VACATION WITH THE DOCTORS by Shiny Penny

-- Milk is an ill-advised sexual lubricant. Whole milk, in particular.

-- Eating bacon every day, sometimes twice a day, makes you smarter. Bold claim, yet nonetheless true: Bacon is the great equalizer.

-- Although licking can be fun for both licker and lickee, inappropriate licking just gets you wet. (See entry on milk.)

-- The very famous song about "My Meatball" may or may not have anything to do with the Smokey Mountains. [For novices, I give you this taste: On top of old Smokey, all covered with cheese, I lost my poor meatball, when somebody sneezed.]

-- Meatballs are both delicious and nutritious.

-- Neuticals! Holy shit. I will be posting more about this highly controversial topic at a later date. For now, Neuticals! The faint of heart should not watch the video.

-- Emphatics are my favorite kind of people. You always know where you stand with them. Emphatics either love you as if you are the most incredible creature in the world or loathe your offensive presence. It's always clear cut.

There are so many other exciting things to share. I encourage you to take your own vacation and stop living vicariously through mine. You are acting like a parasite. Give me some space.

Thank you! You are the best. . . and sometimes the worst. . . but never both at the same time.