[hoj*poj]

I just watched the shit out of the first 30 minutes of Miss Teen USA. Mario Lopez of Saved by the Bell Fame is hosting. Teens look a lot different than when I was one. These girls could easily pick up work at Hooters if this Miss Teen USA thing doesn't work out. (By the way, Hooters is the third least Tivo skipped commercial ever. Coincidence?)

Anyway, I'm rooting for Miss New Jersey, even though I'm no longer engaged in Miss Teen USA. She's pretty, even though she's a redhead and I'm afraid of redheads. (By the way, redheads are an endangered species. The gene is dying out. That's science!) They really should just shorten Miss New Jersey to Miss Jersey. New Jersey as a state rolls like that. Abbreviate it up in here. Holla.

I promised a hodgepodge and I aim to deliver.

(It's hard to find good potpourri these days.)

When I am underslept, I straddle the fine line between useless and brilliant. I am in fact underslept. . . and yet still brilliant. You are welcome.

Garlic powder leaves a gnarly aftertaste in your mouth. Down with garlic powder.

I like horns. I've said this before. It's no surprise to anyone.

I've said bacon is The Great Equalizer. I add: Oysters are The Great Equalizer. They may in fact have the power to unite nations, eradicate evil, make love-not war, perform awesome horn solos. The power of the oyster remains untapped.

There is in fact a Hodgepodge Society that aims to change the shape of human history. I'm hoping by "change the shape" that human history is going to get all jacked up, like ready for the gun show or something. And by gun show, I mean muscle-y. Rad.

I may have passed by my opportunity to sleep so I'm going to leave you with the aforementioned hodge of podge. Feel free to add your own signature hodge to my podge. I'm feeling generous like that.

Rock.