I present to you NEUTICLES: It's like nothing ever changed.
Imagine your predicament when faced with the question "to neuter or not to neuter." You can't exactly conference in your pet for his/her opinion, but these are big decisions, not to take lightly.
How will Rufus feel without his junk? Will Sparky be less of a dog? Will I be less of a dogowner with a dog with no junk? Will Karl Marx be humiliated in the dog park during the sniffing scenes? How will Sandwiches react to the backdoor hump? Will Pencil become depressed, despondent, lose interest in cool dog things like dirty socks, tennis balls, and crotches?
If these are the burning questions on your mind, burn no more! NEUTICLES is the answer. Testicular implantation for pets. There's a video and everything so you know it's legit. These implants are as natural as nature intended. That's what the web says and I believe it. If you need further confirmation, here are some testimonials from pet owners:
"I've put off neutering "Crooked Joe" for months and when I found out about Neuticles and spoke to them it made me feel better about neutering. Joe not only looks the same now- but dosen't know he's missing anything."
"He's a guy and I wanted him to remain looking like one."
"Baby Snow has all the benefits of being neutered-Neuticles are just a whole lot nicer."
"Frodo never knew he lost anything and is just a happier little dog since he's been neutered with Neuticles."
I know what you're thinking. The hell Crooked Joe, Baby Snow, Frodo, and Guy don't know they're missing some junk. THEY KNOW. Your attempt to perpetrate this lie upon Crooked Joe, Baby Snow, Frodo, and Guy is futile. I will not be taken in by your fancy website NEUTICLES. I don't care how attractive that graph paper background is.
Now look, I'm all for neutering. But implantation, well, I reject it. That's right, puppies. I reject your NEUTICLES. I further reject them because Rush Limbaugh is quoted on the site: "Neuticles are just plain neat."
If you must investigate for yourself, be sure to check out the size and price chart. A large pair are going to set you back a buck and a quarter. XXL run close to a grand. You decide how much Lucky's junk is worth.
You're welcome.
Oh Shiny, I no longer have to hide behind the Anonymous label since you have finally helped me sort out my complex feelings about Neuticles. I was burdened by a nagging guilt that my own poor canines would hate me for being the castrating female I am since I simply didn't know Neuticles existed at the time I had their nuts cut off. I wondered if my husband would love me more if I had neutered the Boys with Neuticles and spared him the vicarious shame and humiliation of witnessing daily their poor empty junk sacks. But since you reject Neuticles, Shiny, I can now sleep at night again. Your authoritative input is a moral compass in these dark times.
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