With us, it's personal.

This is the approved tag line of the Rite-Aid Pharmacy. This tag line is meant to make you feel like the pharmacists are human beings and that they view you as a human being as well. Clever. Sometimes when I'm filling up my prescriptions for GREATNESS, I wonder about the pharmacists. Transformers are everywhere. Robots in disguise. Seemingly human, but nay! Evil doers abound. Those with ill will; they say one thing and do another; often they subscribe to a secret, fucked-up agenda.

Anyway, I dropped off my prescription for JUSTICE the other day and the pharmacist ran after me. Literally. He ran down the aisles. I was mesmerized by the arrangement of delicious cereals which is where he found me. (I like to blend into civilian life as much as possible.) The pharmacist informed me of an error in my Rx: JUSTICE. Wow! I thought "that was really personal." Not like "a personal invasion of my privacy" but rather "he really cares about how and when I use my Rx: JUSTICE." I felt a bit of warmness. I almost hugged him because I hear that's what you mortals do. I decided against it though because I also know those in positions of authority, such as myself, do not like to be touched when on the job. You just never know what people are up to. I could go in for the friendly hug and never let go. And can you imagine how my pharmacist would explain an embrace in the middle of the cereal aisle? It would have been unpleasant for him. Not the hug, of course.

You may be wondering why I need a prescription for GREATNESS when in fact I am naturally brilliant and charming. "Ah-ha!" you may be thinking. I hate to dash your hopes that I am just one of you. Let's keep up the illusion for now.

Back to that tag line. It's a competitive advantage the Rite-Aid is touting. As if to say, "Those other guys are impersonal, but not us! Not us." I think I can get on board with this claim. I think I may adopt this tag line in a slightly altered form for myself.

With me, it's personal.

If you really think about it, you're stating the obvious. If, in fact, you are a person, how could any interaction not be personal? Did you just have a giant Duh moment? I know. Sometimes I even amaze myself. I used to hate when people would say "Don't take it personally." Especially after unleashing some ridiculous criticism of something or other. It's really a stupid thing to say. Moreover, a stupid thing to think or act or react to. Everything is personal. Unless of course you are a Transformer or some sort of bot. If this is the case, rock on to you.

I think Chuck Norris would approve of my new tag line. I think Bruce would as well. I'm really pleased with myself this morning. I have to go do something GREAT now. I wish some small measure of GREAT on you because I'm generous like that and shit, with me, it is personal.