Time is on my side.

I will tell you a story.

I have a favorite watch. It was a gift from someone very small, who I am pretty well convinced does not have any money. The face of my favorite watch shows the clock tower in Berne, Switzerland, and yes there is a picture of a bear in the lower left-hand corner, which is the symbol of the city. I like bears. Apparently there's a black bear problem in Aspen right now. Bears are totally breaking into shit and then being shot and tagged by the police.

Anyway, my most favorite watch has been an hour slow and five minutes fast for the past year. This has caused me great anxiety but I've rolled with it because the universe is usually in my favor. I've had to do some quick math as you can imagine in order to always be on time, every time.

Yesterday, I was explaining my predicament to a co-worker and demonstrating how the thingy on the side of the watch doesn't rotate the hands. Lo and behold the thingy worked! I was beside myself. I could actually change time. I felt close to bursting.

I can see you do not share my excitement. (Don't ask how I can see it; know that I am always watching.) That's too bad for you. This was a major breakthrough as I no longer have to add an hour and subtract five minutes to know what time it is.

I feel liberated. However, now when I look at my watch, I am confused because it's actual time rather than what I've silently referred to as bear time. This is all very uninteresting. But it's a true story. And you should be thankful for the truth every once in a while.

You're welcome.